Date Posted: 17/08/2020
After a long day of work, you are excited to go home and spend some time with your child. You imagined it’s going to be nice to have some bonding time.
But when you go back, it seems that your child is distant and doesn’t want to go near you. The child appears to be more clingy and closer to your domestic helper.
Is this scenario familiar?
If it is, then you are not alone. This is typically experienced by a lot of working moms or parents. Feeling frustrated, bothered, and disappointed about it are just normal reactions, especially if you are a first-time mom.
It is also understandable if you feel hurt. You know you love your child so much, and the reason you’re working hard is for them to have a good future. So, it would be best if you did not blame yourself for that.
This might also lead you to feel anxious or guilty because you think you are missing out on your child’s growth and milestones. It would be best if you rejected that thought that you are abandoning your child. Remember that you carried your child for nine months, which creates a special connection for the two of you.
What should you do in a situation like this?
1. Maximize your time with your baby. To maintain a good relationship, interact with them as much as possible. This will also build closeness between you two. If they are already using a bottle, then be the one to feed them.
2. Set a regular playtime. If your work ends at 5 PM and you arrive at your house around 6 PM, have a routine that your babies can look forward to once you come home. That can be playing blocks together, storytelling, or whatever it is your child likes. This makes them feel cared for even if you are a working parent.
3. Be gentle but firm. Sometimes you have to get the baby from the helper even if they are crying, so they get used to you. Do not panic when they continue to sob. They need to be more comfortable. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want you. It just means they are more familiar with the domestic helper, and you can always do something about that. So carry your child and tell them that it’s your time to play together. Be consistent with that, and you’ll see your child being more adjusted to you.
4. Be confident. Believe in yourself as a mother. It doesn’t mean that the baby is crying that you are doing something wrong, or you are already a bad mom. Remember that it is part of their growth, and you still have a lot of time to connect with them.
5. Get some hours during the weekend and prioritize that. During the weekends, it’s understandable that you want to rest. However, just put into mind that you can also use this time to play with your baby, take care of them, and be physically present. I know this sounds like a challenge because you’ve been working for the whole week. But remember that you will reap something from this as your baby begins to recognize you as their mom. You don’t have to spend the whole day taking care of them but choose hours during the weekend to hold them, feed them, and play with them.
6. Talk to your domestic helper. It’s not wrong to tell your feelings to your helper. They might even appreciate it and help you find ways so that your baby will get used to you more. You can set schedules where it will be time for you to carry the baby. You communicate so you can arrive in a mutual understanding of the situation, and your helper would also know how to act in this situation.
Your helper most probably has children of her own, and it will also be easier for her if the children are close with you. Otherwise, it can be equally as attaching for the helper.
It is easy to think the worst in bad situations. Still, there’s a way of drawing positives out of every situation. Parenthood is a learning curve for all of us, and you can always do and be better. This way, we can be the best version of ourselves!